I’m not a child anymore. Tomorrow
I am twenty-one.
The beginning of so many things, and
the end of many.
Bittersweet. Profound.
I am not a child anymore, yet how
much I have yet to learn.
Twenty.
I went on a journey of discovering
myself: my gifts, my love, my humanity, my calling. I did not set out to do so,
but journeys always reveal what we least expect.
I finished my first year of
college, a dream that had died in my heart the year before. I let go of
perfection and learned how to fail.
I traveled across the ocean,
encountered a world where pain is prevalent and spiritual darkness oppresses
the masses. Alone in my room, I would write. I wrote the stories of the people I
met. I cried for them. I cried. I understood.
I came back home, struggled to
understand the emotions and the pain that made no sense. I became part of a
world where waking up became the part of the day I dreaded the most. I fought
against my calling.
I traveled across my country. I
fell in love with history. I experienced my first panic attack. I spent time
with my family, knowing how soon I would be moving away from them.
I spent 10 months engaged and
distant to my best friend and the love of my life. I spent 10 months planning a
wedding, before the pandemic forced an early marriage. I was scared, but it was
one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
I’ve spent two months of Twenty
falling in love daily with Joseph. Learning how to be his wife. Delighting in a
new life so foreign to anything I’ve ever experienced. Looking forward to the
70+ years we will have together.
And Jesus? Oh Jesus, my Love and
King, how you have orchestrated every second of this last year. How you have
held me when no one else could know or understand but You. You crossed the
miles before and beside and behind me, protecting me from the world, from the
Enemy, from myself. You taught me through pain, and You taught me through
patience. You taught me how to keep going.
You were there at our last minute
wedding.
You were there when I packed my
bags and drove to another state with the man You chose for me. You’ve been here
with me, when I spend hours alone in a strange city.
And how You have met me. I delight
to be with You.
You are the reason, Father, for
all that I will ever be, or ever become.
Twenty-one is Yours. I give it to
You, for You know. You understand. You see far beyond what I can see. I want to
stay close to You in twenty-one, for every year gets harder, more intense, more
wonderful. Your grace is enough to keep my prideful, hard heart soft and humble
before You.
Twenty-one is Yours.
{In the spirit of new seasons and a new life, this is my last post on A Life He Loves Blog. All further posts will be published on my new blog, Musings of A Military Wife} I'll see you there! <3
