In Which My Body Writes a Complaint Letter

Dear Sara, 
We realize you are a missionary. We dealt with the uncomfortable plane seat, the plane food, and the long periods of sitting. It was a temporary situation, and we tried to do our best. The little bit of time you felt terrible was the stomach’s fault. He was mad when you chose the pasta over the veggies. 

Anyway, we went through the traveling. And for the first twenty minutes, you were doing good. You bought a tomato and we gave you a standing ovation. But within days you started doing strange things and we tried to understand. We even were kind with the jet lag and how do you repay us? Massive quantities of empty calories. You had choices- you do know Bulgarians eat cucumbers and tomatoes, right? But no. Ice cream, chocolate, bread bread bread bread and it was NOT, we repeat, it was NOT whole grain. We expect more from you. Then the "duners"- we know you only thought there were cucumbers but there were also other things in that. The cow tongue was also pushing it. Also the white yogurt with floating and sinking cucumbers and salt? We don’t think so. Drinking water from water fountains was NO BUENO. And the flat bread you gorged yourself on every time you got a chance? No. Another thing- you worked out fully ONE time. The legs are especially angry and want you to know that they purposely lost muscle tone because of your forbidding them exercise. We will kindly acknowledge that you did walk a lot, and you gave the skin more sun than it’s pretty much ever seen before. But we digress. We are pretty disappointed in you and expect great things when you come home. Like, real food with real nutritional value. Like working out. 

We just remembered that you also started averaging a lower amount of sleep than we’re used to. We’ll address that in the next letter but for now we are just trying to get this off our chest and tell you we will fight back harder than we already are if you don’t figure this out. The scale already has a surprise for you. 

Yours always, 

the body