To Know Jesus

I feel this insatiable ache rising up in the people around me. I feel it resonating in the heartbeats of a few chosen people surrounding me. I see it through their pain, in their mundane, in the sacrifices they are willing to make. 

It is a hunger, a desire, to know God and understand his love. Have we understood his love? Has it shaken us beyond belief and left us helpless in its power and strengthened in its gentleness? 

Pain drives me to my Jesus, makes me experience his love in ways I cannot explain. It fills my heart beyond belief. 

The time I remember his peace in the most comprehensive way was in a foreign country, only days after my grandmother passed away, surrounded by chaos and blinded by grief. 

One of the times I felt my heart bound in love and being loved by Jesus was during a drive where I was ugly crying alone and begging God to answer the “WHY?” shouting from the confusion in my lungs. In that moment he surrounded me. 

Do we need this pain to suddenly become aware of his healing? I have craved pain because I craved his presence. I WANT HIM. I want to know him and be like him. I want to follow his leading without fear and be able to leave my tiny anxieties in the hands that know no bound of pain. I saw it last night, in the pain of a friend. She stood there, and spoke of loss and her hunger for the Lord in the same breath. I heard it last week, when the man I love expressed his desire to just be with Jesus- to spend time with him for awhile, taking no thought of the expense. It’s in the words of a text I received this morning: “I have this desire to just fall head over heels in love with Jesus and I’ve been asking him how that happens.”

How does it happen, Jesus? Can we sustain your presence when you fulfill the desires of our heart? Can we pursue you with fires in our hearts when we are lazy or apathetic or complacent? Does it always take pain?

I feel unqualified to speak, because I need Jesus. I have not been faithful in pursuing him with ALL of my heart. I have been selfish, distracted, and comfortable.

So, my King and my Lord,

Will you light the fire beneath these few you have chosen?

We will not fear the pain, if that is what is required to KNOW YOU.

We want to come into your kingdom and hear “well done” from your lips.

We want your love to be the filling of our cup and the overflowing of our souls.

We want you.

If you’re reading this, if you feel this ache in your soul, or even if you desire to WANT him, join me. Join me in pursuing him at all costs. Wake up earlier to have uninterrupted time with Jesus. Read his Word and apply it. Ask him to help you, because inspiration and motivation will not help you to succeed. They will help you to start, but it will take much more than good intentions. It will take discipline, and we NEED the Holy Spirit to give us faithful, consistent, steady hearts.

Jesus is our love, and he longs to participate in relationship with us. He draws near to those who draw near to him. Pure and simple. We are the only ones limiting our relationship with him.

Join me.